Most of the time, we can deny where we are meant to go or where we are meant to be. Sometimes, it isn’t until we hit a wall that we realize where we are and start from scratch (with the knowledge from our previous experiences). I think the 180-turn I was talking about last week was one of my most pivotal moments. It’s what my mom and I like to call a turning point.
Now, to give some context, I have been in denial of my artistic side for so long, and I would always postpone any project I would start. I wouldn’t call it procrastination, just a lack of motivation because I didn’t believe I would be good enough. And it wasn’t until I realized that it takes time to become someone or something that people can see, but it takes a second to see who you can become by acknowledging your talents. I would always like to follow what was correct, thinking that by following the rules, I would be satisfied because it would please others because it meant having someone who wouldn’t disrupt whatever they had going on. Yes, I was and still am, sometimes, a people pleaser. However, we lose ourselves when we focus so much on being selfless. It isn’t because we do it on purpose but because we do it so often that we think it is more usual to put others before we put ourselves. I believe this eventually makes prioritizing ourselves first more uncomfortable.
I mean, it happened to me. You find it hard to figure out what you want, your interests, or your passions. And it’s not that we can’t have similar interests with other people (because that is how we connect). Still, sometimes it is harder to distinguish what we find pleasure in doing because we can get confused in thinking about what others like we might like as well. It is like the phrase: fake it till you make it. We go along, chasing illusions, ideas, or even people and idolizing them that we try and replicate actions and hope that we will become similar to whoever they might be. But that is exactly where we lose that sense of individuality and authenticity. We lose ourselves trying to chase something that isn’t meant to be for us, and before we know it, we may be unhappy where we are in life. But no matter where you are, it is important to figure out what you truly want. I think you need to brainstorm, on your own or with someone you are close to that knows you, and figure out your path in life. And let me just say that it is okay to fuk up along the way because sometimes that is the best way to learn…
So, I invite you to discover who you are. Try picturing yourself in a scenario in the near or far future, or even now, and try being mindful of the emotions you feel. And play around with it, think of different situations and see what makes you put a smile on your face, see what makes you feel energized and what lifts your vibration. Maybe it will help you figure out what you are more interested in.
Z.
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