I tend to have this thought of repeated patterns, for instance, the way we are brought up, relationships, friendships, habits, anything really. We can compare these patterns with comfort—the constant search for the same things, the same people, and the same actions. When we go on with this cycle, it ends up being infinite until we genuinely find a way out of it. One way to do this is by becoming self-aware. The real question, however, is why do we create this infinite pattern? Well, I started thinking about it, and it is comfort. Comfort is what makes us go back to the same; it is our safety zone, or as many know it, our comfort zone. Getting out of that comfort pattern is hard, and may I say dreadful, because we do not like to have to readapt to new things. It is easier for some, but for others, it may be more challenging, but why? I do not have the answer for all, but I know that it may be because we are too afraid to face our past and readjust it.
I can tell you that this pattern, this vicious cycle, can be mainly reflected in the people that we bring into our life. I mean by this that in friendships and relationships, we attract the things we do not want but what we are comfortable with because we are used to it. The past guys I dated, coincidentally, had the same traits: selfishness, entitled, and, yes, toxic. The reason I was attracted to it was that it was familiar to me. When I was younger, the people that surrounded me, like in school, specifically my friend group, turned their backs on me when I left that school, but I still wanted them in my life because I was afraid to adapt to the new and the unknown. I felt fixated on the aspect that I would not find other people that would accept me for who I am, so I settled for what was there. What I learned from this was that the people you have in your life, the people you attract, reflect yourself and your thoughts. It wasn’t until recently that I had started to become self-aware of the patterns I was repeating that made me change; first, it was me, and second, it was the people that began to come into my life and even the people that started leaving. Unfortunately, some people do not become aware until it is too late; repeated patterns endlessly become their natural habitat. So they do not end up realizing what is actually wrong with what is going on until something drastic happens, or never at all.
The moment we can differentiate toxicity from what truly makes us feel comfortable will be the moment we can start changing. When I started doing this, I felt free. Free from that negativity and that draining of energy, and began to introduce pure and honest positivity and joy. Once we can release what is toxic and let it go, we open up space for new things, better things into our life.
Z.
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