We sometimes face repeated situations that trigger old emotions just to see if we have learnt our lesson. Is it pleasant? Maybe not. Is it something that we want to be able to learn and move on? Most definitely. Can we avoid these experiences? Probably, but it will come differently, or affect another aspect of our lives.
Our experiences shape us and allow us to become who we are today and who we will be in the future. The lessons or situations that we have to face are given to us to grow from past experiences that may have triggered us to feel a certain way and affect our ego (reflected in fear, doubt and insecurities). We sometimes are not able to determine or know which is the trigger or where it is rooted. But there is a lesson that I learnt a few years ago from the book The subtle art of not giving a f*ck, which explained discovering our triggers and unravelling them as layers of the onion. Each layer is an aspect that shapes our current reaction to a trigger, and each layer that is removed can go deeper in the understanding of where a trigger is rooted. However, the more layers come off, the more likely it is that we become vulnerable and cry. But this aspect of vulnerability can trigger us to feel uncomfortable, so we then avoid going further to discover where something comes from. But once you start the work, it is not only you who feels uncomfortable with your vulnerability but also how the things around you shift - which may be because of our interpretation and perspective of how things used to be and how they are as we see them now. These changes lead us to question, doubt and overthink things in a way we were not used to. We go back and focus on our past experiences, hoping to understand how these triggers unravelled and we begin to blame ourselves by acting or behaving in a certain way. But, the thing that happens when we begin to blame ourselves for our past experiences, is we find excuses to not move forward, as they hold us back from holding a grudge against ourselves. But once we are capable of understanding that the blame and guilt are not necessarily ours, but a shameful healing process that we have created, we are then capable of accepting and shifting our perspective to start a more loving healing process that will allow us to grow more.
I recently found myself having a conversation with this more negative and toxic version of myself that was finding ways to drag me into being in a state of toxic comfort. This area, which may seem safe, is also a version of you that is constantly seeking excuses to stay where you are by beating yourself down for your past, and not moving forward by believing in your potential. It is as my mom repeatedly told me: you have to change your inner dialogue. I did not understand that until I was in this state where I was desperate to seek this change because I felt so uncomfortable within my being and could not understand the things around me. But it is the questioning of discomfort, the comfort in discomfort and the toxic attachment to it that induced me to want to get out of it. Luckily, I was able to start forcing myself to do things I would love to do to be able to shift this mindset - going back to old habits that brought me joy. The thing with going back to doing things you used to, at least for me, felt like I was falling behind. But there is a beauty to our experiences… Our experiences are like a handbook to understand how much we have gone through and how much we have learnt that has allowed us to still be here and still be breathing.
We tend to avoid or block this sympathetic part for ourselves, even if we are so good at being there for others. But sometimes you just have to be your best friend and lift yourself up to get out of those toxic patterns. Sometimes it is better to be your best friend instead of your worst critic. By being honest in a loving way and by shifting your mindset to a more healing and grateful aspect instead of sugarcoating everything and saying that it is okay to be comfortable in your toxicity. So, I invite you to shift, to change that inner dialogue and become your best friend.
Z.
Comments