Things happen to us for a reason. The things come to us when we least expect them so that we can be surprised with either a lesson or an experience. The things that occur to us happen so we can find a way back to our authentic selves. Sometimes we wish things would happen differently, but would the outcome be the same if they did? Would we learn the same lessons? Would we have the opportunity to ask ourselves who we are in different moments of our lives to discover the different versions of ourselves?
Even if we choose to be unaware of the lessons life has to give us (because yes, unfortunately, most of the time we choose to be unaware), it will just happen continuously until we take a conscious step back to observe these patterns so we can finally have a shift. It is like the relationships we have, the reactions and triggers we experience in random situations, or even the unexpected moments when we finally realize that we have just been bottling too much. We can go on and on, thinking that we are working through these situations, but are we? Are we taking the time to dissect, to understand and to be willing to look at the story we have been telling ourselves from a different perspective?
I can tell you from personal experience that starting to work on something is a big step, but that does not mean that you have done any of the work to start healing. It is like this vicious cycle I had when it came to self-love or finding the value and worth in myself. I began to become conscious of my dislike of my body, and I kept dragging it along with me until I chose to make a change. This change was around the time I started this blog. I remember pulling an all-nighter, watching TED talks and reading about self-love and confidence, which allowed me to jump-start this whole journey of finding myself. That same morning, I decided I was going to do a workout for the simplicity of enjoying it. But it wasn’t only that, I remember vividly after having experienced a pleasant workout, looking at myself in the mirror naked. I looked at myself from all angles - something that I did not want to do because I felt so ugly and disgusting, yes, disgusting. I not only allowed myself to look at myself in the mirror, but I got closer and closer to the mirror to the point where I saw myself through the reflection in my eyes that were looking at the mirror. It was such an odd sensation, but so revealing. It was as though I had finally unmasked myself from this version I was trying to be to please those around me. I thought to myself: today is the day I start loving myself, even if it means starting with one thing a day. Without that moment, I would have not been able to allow myself to learn everything from a different perspective. Any moment that I was beating myself down, as hard as it was, the things that allowed me to get up again were the acknowledgement of the steps I had taken thus far, and the recognition that these were opportunities to learn from. But, in my case, these experiences were given to me as a chance to find a way to get closer to the point of loving myself more. It was a vicious cycle, of ups and downs, from not wanting to look at myself at all and not wanting to go out, to feeling like I was the most beautiful I had ever been. These drastic moments made me realize that these are simply patterns that I created because I had yet to find a pure and unconditional way of loving myself. It has taken quite some time, and it is still a work in progress, but I am getting there step by step.
I know this is an experience mainly talking about self-love, but it can be replicated in any other area that we want to improve. The vicious cycles we go through and the moments we live so we learn life lessons, are merely experiences that allow us to not only break the cycle or make each cycle shorter but to also use this to grow and become the best version we have met of ourselves thus far.
I firmly believe that we don’t wish for our lives to be any different, but I think we wish to see things differently. I believe that we see missed opportunities, failures and rejections as bad things when they can be seen as gifts that we are given disguised as abstract art that we are trying to find beauty in the perplexed and appreciation in the unpredictable. It is all about perception and perspective. We must learn to consciously take that step to shift how we see things to slowly end the vicious cycle.
Are you willing to do that? Are you ready to find meaning in the unrecognizable, and allow yourself to create your image or be open to perceiving things differently?
Z.
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