We have three different parts to how we see ourselves: others, the ego, and the self. Others are the views that those around us have of who we are. The ego is the view we have of ourselves that is influenced by others. And the self is the view of who we truly are authentically, separated from the ego. The three categories tend to be intertwined with one another and usually overlap if we are unaware of it. For instance, when we have to choose whether to listen or not to our intuition or to follow the crowd, or maybe want to do something for ourselves but then are questioned if that is truly right for us. I think that we are living in a world where we like to have others make decisions for us, thinking that someone else knows what is right and wrong. However, the fact that we allow others to have more knowledge of who we are rather than ourselves is more than proof enough that we must take a step back to truly listen to what we want rather than continue on a path of being the passenger rather than the driver.
The last few months, I had faced something I was not used to. I was in a position of uncertainty and unwanted territory that mainly involved making decisions and having other people telling me to choose the complete opposite. I doubted and questioned myself and began to lose myself a bit. I would rather stay shut instead of speaking up for what I thought was right for me. I allowed others to dictate my life because I was too afraid to do so myself. Maybe you can say it is the people pleaser in me, but I would usually give in and say they were right. But I was wrong and it ended with being in a “worse” state of mind. It was as though each time I went against my intuition or what I thought was right, I would get a sign that I should have listened to myself. It got to a point where I was so tired of abiding by other people that I somehow began to rebel and do the contrary rather than taking a step back and listening to myself with the advice of others. But when I rebelled, I realized that I was not doing it for the good of myself but to go against what others were saying. I finally got to a point where I wanted to do what felt right and also allow others to help without imposing their ideas and beliefs onto me. It was only then that I came to question the different phases of myself in this situation. In the first part, I was entirely driven by others and what they would tell me to do, allowing my decisions to be dictated by my surroundings. The second part was my ego trying to go against what others were saying so people could know that I am capable of making my own decision even if it was not the right one, it only mattered that I decided for myself. In this part of the situation, I fixated on proving myself to others, and it was when my ego was trying to show off that I was what others were “supposedly” saying I wasn’t. I was too distracted by what others thought that I blinded myself from what I thought was right and good for me. Lastly, I realized that I was sabotaging myself, and I took a step back to figure out what was truly right for me. I had been so absorbed in the way others thought of me, that I had not taken a moment to truly think for myself. However, the moment I did choose to do that, things began to change, and my approach to my decisions was different. I allowed others to voice their thoughts, while also taking into consideration my own, and finding a balance between the two.
This situation was a blessing in disguise. It allowed me to understand the different aspects of how a person acts and behaves in different situations. I came to realize the importance of being yourself, rather than the version of yourself that wants to go against what others say or only follow what others tell you to do. It was finding a balance between what others say, what you want to rebel against because your self is conflicted, and yourself. But to find that balance, unfortunately, one may need to go through these different phases. However, I do believe that one can begin to understand the different aspects that we show to the world and who we truly are through introspection and self-reflection. To question what is and isn’t right for you, while also being open to what others have to say by sharing their knowledge. But to have a level of openness, one must find a way to be in tune with who they are, to also know that what others say is to be taken with a grain of salt, but also a handful of curiosity. So, I ask you, what category are you when a situation occurs? Are you a people pleaser, rebellious, or balanced?
Z.
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