If you think about it, most of the time, when we see someone, we compare ourselves with them. And it’s an instinct of the human because we somehow want to feel better about ourselves. According to Festinger, people tend to evaluate themselves based on other people because we reduce uncertainty and learn how to define or label themselves. It’s completely natural. However, it can sometimes lead to unpleasant reactions. We do this not only when we are walking down the street, but also on social media and social groups. When we are in a group of people and we start looking at the differences, we tend to feel more pressure and start feeling excluded or left out because we compare our abilities and opinions, or even our insecurities. There is nothing wrong when differentiating yourself with people because we sometimes do it out of instinct. But, there are two outcomes: one is figuring out who you are, and the other is trying to make yourself feel better.
The sad reality is that comparing yourself with people will sometimes end up being a type of mental masturbation. And based on personal experience, this is because we want to look and act a certain way even though we know we are different. We want to copy the way they dress, how they act or even the way they talk. The amount of time we spend on social media affects our mental state because we see what we want to have, but we don’t learn how to embrace what we already have. Unfortunately, it makes us followers of the people we hope to be like, affecting us even if we don’t see it immediately. It then becomes an accumulative unfavourable comparison that we think is to our benefit, but it ends up making us feel worse. So, if we do not break that pattern, we will create a vicious cycle that traps us. But you need to find a way of changing your habits; it can be by waking up and not checking the phone or finding ways that make you who you are, which will eventually allow you to see other people without judgement. By the end of the day, it starts with you, with your self-judgement, self-criticism, and self-talk. Because the way you talk to yourself is a reflection of the way you want other people to talk to you or how you talk to other people.
Z.
References:
Harbinger, J. (2018), Why You Compare Yourself To Other People and How to Stop, The Jordan Harbinger Show [online]. Available from: https://www.jordanharbinger.com/why-you-compare-yourself-to-other-people-and-how-to-stop/ [Accessed 17 Sept 2020]
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