The many realizations we have tend to come from moments of silence when we are alone with our thoughts. At times we don’t like to face the silence because the truth comes out, and we don’t always want to face the truth because it can hurt. However, the more we know about ourselves, the more we can attract the things that will benefit us and our happiness, for instance, relationships.
So as I sat at the park once again, listening to music and overthinking, it ended up being a domino effect from listening to a song to realizing why we may be afraid of being in relationships or why we attract whoever it is into our life. Remember one of the previous articles that I wrote about how emotions are the outcome of memories? Think about a time when you just wanted to be with someone, a friend or partner. The emotion you want to feel can determine who you will be around. Be it a friend you simply want to go out with for a fun night, and you will go out with someone you’ve previously had a good time with, right?
Now, think about relationships you’ve had or seen. The first relationship (of love with a partner/soulmate) we knew was the one our parents had, whether they were together or separated, healthy or toxic. The relationship our parents have is the relationship we assume we will end up in unless we decide to change and break that thought pattern. We will meet people that will trigger certain emotions we felt when we saw the love that our parents had, and if they are positive, we will want to continue to have them. If the feelings are negative, we will try to avoid them or even force them to change (which may not always end up as you want - because forcing things is a way of trying to make an illusion a reality).
Let’s say that we are trying to be with someone, but the only way that we were taught to love was by constantly chasing the other person; in other words, one-sided. One may react to this when being in a relationship would be to chase the other person in a somewhat intense way, thinking that is the correct way to love and by doing that, they will love you back. However, it may not always be the case. When we try to love people in the way we were taught and not in the way we want to love, we will be stuck in this repetitive cycle of thinking that doing the same thing we did before (which can be emotionally draining) will work again, even if it is toxic. But it doesn’t always have to be a cat-and-mouse type of love.
It is time to embrace the fact that love should be reciprocal. It is also time to create our meaning of love based on what we want. We do not need to follow everything we are taught; we can follow what we believe (without harming anybody, please). The best thing you can do is figure out what kind of love you give yourself and then determine what type of love you want to receive. Because only then will you value the meaning of love to a more personal level and feel deserving of it.
Z.
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