We try to control things in our lives. We intend to become the fixers of situations and the saviours of other people. We try to understand situations to find solutions and a way to control them to have them be to our liking. But can any of this be possible? Can we control what is around us? I don’t necessarily think so. I think that part of us can impact our surroundings, but another part can simply be the observer of what happens around us. I think I can describe this in a realization I had while writing.
External factors are things we choose to affect us, while internal aspects allow us to control the way we react to the things around us.
This is to say that we have to learn how to separate the two to get the benefit of both. It is not easy to find that balance because we assume that how we feel cannot be controlled and that what is around us cannot be either. However, if we were to become objective about the two, we would find a way to understand that our irrationality towards situations may be the reason we allow external things to occur. It is like a ping-pong match that is in a never-ending loop, and we stop it until we simply do not respond the way we used to. The internal things are our emotions, and until we are capable of understanding and allowing ourselves to feel what we have to feel, it is only then that we will begin to work around them and with them. Our external factors will then be reflected in our internal processes. It is again a ping-pong match. But all of this can only be done if we consciously choose to stop the pattern of actions that occur.
For instance, I have found myself recently getting back into my overthinking loop of negativity in moments of silence because of futurizing a situation that has not happened yet. I realized that these thoughts led me to feel more stressed and anxious than usual, influencing my surroundings and the way I react to things. After a few days of being in bed - sick -, I allowed myself to go over these thoughts or catch myself when I was thinking it to finally stop them before I get to a dark loophole. Choosing to do this isn’t easy, because I got so used to it and it became easier to get into that headspace than to get out of it. But once you do, you start to become the observer of your thoughts rather than the one who immediately reacts to them.
So, I invite you to become the observer of your thoughts. Allow yourself to feel what you have to feel without judgment, so you can break that cycle and find peace with the internal and external factors that happen in your life. It may be challenging at first, but it is worth it…
Z.
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