We somehow believe that we have to have our life figured out by the time we graduate high school - where we want to study, what we want to study, what we want to be when we grow up, and many other things. We have this voice in our head that tells us that we need to be perfect, we must be perfect, for the simple reason that we don’t want to be seen as a failure. By failure, I mean to not feel successful or to feel like you aren’t doing enough.
I will explain my situation or something that I am going through. My whole life up till High School, when I graduated, I thought I knew what I wanted to do. I felt that I knew who I wanted to be, and I felt so passionate about it. I would feel motivated to do something that would get me closer to what I love. However, when I did reach university, I thought my life was going into pieces. It started with realizing that I didn’t want to study what I thought I loved. Then I went on to question what I wanted to do with my life, which kept going. I felt as if my life was crumbling into pieces, and it just wasn’t stopping. I was also engaging in the famous mental masturbation; the never-ending overthinking mindset that makes you question everything around you.
When I had gotten on track, I thought that I was doing fine until I asked one question: Is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life? I didn’t think so. With the answer I got, I went on to question if I would be able to do anything else because I felt so drawn to one illusion that I created in the mind of my ideal world, and when I was getting closer to living it, I didn’t want to be in it anymore.
I am still questioning what I want to do, but now I don’t want to be or sound like a victim or think I am a failure. I want to know that I will be okay and trust my decision about who I want to be and okay if I want to change. For now, I feel that my world is shattered; as some pieces get together, others fall off. Yet, I still feel like I am on the right track, and I am also stubborn enough not to give up on myself. For that reason alone, I believe that what is coming will be better, and I believe in becoming someone better.
So if you feel lost, confused or just sad right now, know that you aren’t alone, and if you want to chat, I am here. It is a hard feeling to describe that we don’t always want to admit we have, so people don’t think that our lives are worse than theirs. However, we need to acknowledge that being sad is normal and having a social media and influencer-approved life is surreal. It is okay not to be okay. And the first step to getting better is accepting those emotions and understanding what is causing them, and learning from them to grow. And remember, after a rainstorm, there is always a rainbow, so don’t lose hope and believe in yourself.
Z.
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