I find myself sometimes thinking that I am not myself. I have become a version of myself, trying to please those around me subconsciously. When I say subconscious, I mean that I actually believe I am who I am because I think that is who I have to be. However, I need clarification on this idea of who I am. Why? Well, I have never really been the type of person that fits into only one group, nor have I been the person that follows trends (even if I have tried to, it just doesn’t go with me).
Like, when I was younger, my mom would call me a floater. She would say that I didn’t have a group of friends, but I would float around in several groups and get along with each of these groups equally. But for so long, I tried to just fit into one group. I just wanted to feel part of this circle of people and know that I would always go out with them or have never-ending conversations. But then I came to realize that, yes, having one group of people who will always be there is great. But I wanted a group to feel a sense of stability and security. Now, I can dive into my past, but that would take up too much space in this article, but the gist is that being someone who doesn't fit into only one group is just fine. We should embrace who we are outside of a group of people in a more individualistic way.
Something someone told me this week: we are so focused on putting labels to describe who we are, whether black and white or introverted and extroverted. We become so focused on being one or the other, and we forget to embrace that we can have both sides. We forget to describe ourselves as everything and just focus on describing ourselves with a few words. After hearing this, I came to think that we all are everything and nothing simultaneously. We can't put labels or names on who we are because we can embody everything. And yes, maybe some show it more than others, but then again, we all have experienced the same emotions. We have this wanting feeling of belonging somewhere. And we all come into this world not knowing anything, and when we grow up, we start to feel a resemblance among people, and we feel drawn to being with them. But the deeper we get into a group, the more of a filter we have with those who aren’t in it. Maybe being in a group separates us (I mean, obviously)? However, come to think about it, we aren’t different; we are all the same, just with different shades of colours and filters.
Z.
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