One thing that has been roaming around my mind recently is how change happens regardless of what we expect to stay the same. Change allows us to grow, learn, and become more of who we are meant to be. However, we may sometimes fear change by resenting it, not wanting to adapt to a different scenario or maybe even becoming who we are meant to be because we fear how that will affect our surroundings.
I have to admit that I have been having several realizations, which have made me distance myself from my current lifestyle and choose to view my surroundings differently. What made me do this was the repetitive patterns that got to a point where I simply felt as though I was in this autopilot state. I felt like I had lost control of my life. I know it may sound as though I'm exaggerating, but that’s how I felt. Some things that made me realize this was doubting who I was and how I was reacting to things, how I allowed others to treat me and how I deserved to be treated, and how I simply did not feel pleased with the way things were. (A quick side note, I don’t think we have to justify all of the decisions we make. Some may occur to us out of instinct, and some out of habit, but it is up to us to decide what is and isn’t right at the end of the day.). We can’t become this version that we aspire to be without change. However, when we do decide to start transforming who we are, that is when triggers and fear arise. Why? Well, it is because we are somehow sabotaging ourselves to stay in the same habits we are used to. And the thing is that when we choose to change and aren’t able to, we feel guilty for not being able to accomplish that change. But why is that? Maybe it is because this change that we want so badly, is something that we see, and we seek to have it. It is now within our conscious mind that it is possible to have something that someone else has. However, we may also realize that we have never been in that state, so we don’t know how to react, and we don’t know how we will end up. But what I can say with all of this is that change, transformation, healing, whatever adjustment we have, it is because we are unaware of what may occur regardless of our expectations. Change is like having a magic ball hoping to predict the future and outcome. So, what can we do when we are faced with change? Should we just go along with it? Should we resent it? Or maybe just question it and find your way?
I don’t know… At the end of the day, it is up to you to decide what you want to do with whatever happens next. You're the only person that knows yourself (better than anyone). So what do you choose?
Z.
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