While it may be great to start reconnecting with yourself, I found that we become conflicted with the discomfort of comfort. Well, that is a play on words, but I find that we disrupt our peace because we have become accustomed to not being at peace. It is not necessarily the idea that we are not capable of being in that state, but I think we have compared who we are so much with those around us, that we do not allow ourselves to be who we truly are. But it is regaining our power and sense of selves back that is the journey in itself. We come across people who tell us what to do because they think that it's what’s best for us because it worked for them, and we assume that it will also work for us. But that is where conflict begins. We begin to work on ourselves, bettering the view we have of who we are and truly embracing it, and then we get that switch when we hear a comment or see something that makes us question if what we are doing is for the right or wrong reasons and if it truly is what is best for us. We begin to give others the power over us to define how we are. I find that we are in this notion of trying to do what is best - for ourselves - and we become desperate to find the answers. But why? Why do we want to allow this desperation to overrule the value of time and patience to truly allow ourselves to just live?
I was allowing myself to be in tune with my emotions after a situation that happened, allowing myself to face fears, triggers, and moments that I was not yet ready to accept. However, I found myself being surrounded by people who were also telling me that I should do one thing or another, because it helped them, or questioning my process of how I was facing and dealing with this situation. That security and certainty that I felt good became a bubble that just popped. I started to question myself and my journey. I began to lose focus of my direction because I was too focused on someone else’s and compared it to others because I could not believe that I was on the right track or that I truly deserved to be feeling and living that peace that I was starting to feel. So what did I do? I started to sabotage myself. (I think most of us do this unintentionally) I found myself being in a sense of discomfort when I was at comfort and peace with myself. Why? Because it was easier to sh*t on my parade rather than walk with a big smile. I started to feel as though I had to prove to those who were telling me how to deal with the situation that I was okay, and that I was doing what was good for me. But the moment I started trying to prove to others what I was doing for myself, it stopped being an individual healing, and it became a collective chaos (at least in my eyes) by trying to figure out what was truly good. But remember what I wrote last time? There is no such thing as right or wrong, just the intention and emotion that we put towards it. But, I had to take a taste of my own medicine and realize that regardless of your situation being similar to someone else’s, the way one processes it is completely individual and personal. It is great that people can give you advice and suggest that you try and do certain things, but when they begin to question your state of being, I think that is when we become defensive and we want to continuously prove ourselves to someone else and hand over that power-stick.
So, I ask you and I will promise to ask myself continuously as well, why we allow ourselves to be drawn to the way others act and feel about our situation and give them the power to show us who we are when we must learn how to do what is best for us? Why do we become absorbed with this notion of trying to live someone else’s reality rather than our own? Why do we allow the idea of how we are to be overpowered by the impression or perspective someone else has on us even if they have only known us for a small period and do not know the whole story? It is time that we embrace who we are and allow that trust that we lack within to be brought up again.
Z.
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