You know the feeling when everything just piles up, and you get this feeling where everything suddenly disappears? Like you feel overwhelmed and all of a sudden puff?
Well, let me tell you that this week has felt so long because of the number of things that occurred. To start, I faced a few days of derealization and depersonalization. For those who don’t know, derealization and depersonalization (they’re different but similar) are moments where you feel an out-of-body experience, and things feel unreal and simply non-existent and just a fragment of your imagination. It gets interesting when you start to suppose that what you are feeling in that moment can be more real than your reality because everything is a fragment of your imagination, as everything we see and live is based on our perception of reality. However, in my own experience, when I get to this state of mind and being, it is when I have been avoiding things about myself and getting to a point where I am not myself and acting like someone different. But to describe it simply: you feel on a constant high and without a sense of control over your life.
When it happened to me recently, I realized I had detached myself from who I truly am. It is a bit difficult to explain…but I will try. I felt I had gotten to a point, without realizing it, where I prioritized everything other than myself and gave more importance to things or people, which made it difficult for me to spend time alone. And spending time alone is very important for me because it is a moment to connect with myself and simply discover new things or just spend time with my thoughts or in silence. However, when I was going through those moments, I felt like I constantly needed to be surrounded by others because it made me feel at peace, but the moment I was isolated, I felt lost. Those around me became people I depended on to feel a sense of reality. But don’t get me wrong, it isn’t entirely wrong or bad to do that, but depending on someone is something I do not want to do. And there are a few things that I do or don’t that make me realize if I am being myself or an exaggerated version of myself ( another topic I may write about in another article). But all in all, I think one takeaway that I can focus on in this article is the feeling of depending on other people - about how it makes you feel like you are a burden to others at times, even if you feel the constant need to be surrounded by them because they make you feel a sense of grounding, control and being present. However, the moment we can become dependent, we appreciate the people we are with more and allow ourselves to be who we are without feeling guilty for taking their time or space. Sometimes we may feel like a burden to others because we detach from who we are, making us want to find ourselves in other people…
Okay, as you can see, I have many thoughts and realizations happening and writing them all in one article will be too much. But that last snippet is, I think, the introduction to many of the articles I will be writing about. Regardless, I can say I am reconnecting with myself because I feel inspired to write, and the realizations and curiosities have sprung back, and I could not be more thankful for that. So the takeaway of the article is to take a moment for yourself to connect with who you are because it will help you a lot more than you can imagine.
Z.
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