Have you ever noticed when you are in a situation, and you link it to the past? Let me explain. We usually relate memories with emotions; it is a process that our brain does on its own. So if we think of an experience, we can either get a positive or negative reaction, and we can even remember this with particular places or people. In other words, we can know our response, whether we want to face it or not, by pin-pointing our experiences from the past. Now, something people tend to do is bring their past relationships and the outcome of such into the new ones’. It is normal to react that way because we create a protective shield not to get hurt again or to not have the same result as the previous situation.
However, I do have bad news for you. These new experiences and relationships are inevitable because, at some point, we will have to face reality by dealing with our emotions and our fears. We can also call this fear of love, fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, the list goes on. If we decide to have our guard up, we will be stuck in the past without facing our fears. I will give an example of my own experience, so it’s a bit clearer. I recently started talking with this guy, and I had had a previous situation with another guy, which had made me have specific fears of it happening again, so I put my guard up.
Nonetheless, some red flags were on his side, so let’s just say it was a mutual agreement to remain friends afterwards. And another thing of mine is that I am sincere and open about what I feel about specific labels, like relationships. Hence, he then asked me certain questions to which I had an immediate answer and others where I said, “I have no f**king clue.” And I was willing to try to have a relationship with him. However, my past experiences and some friends’ comments had triggered me to question if I should be with him. So, I did kind of f**k it up a bit by having a prejudgement of my thoughts toward him because of my fear of getting hurt as I did last time. I decided to end things with him and question my fears and what it was that did or did not attract me to him. And honestly, it was a great decision because it taught me things that I did not want to face in the past.
To not make this article any longer, the moral of the story and the lesson learnt is that we may have fears and bad experiences from the past. Yet, sometimes the only thing you can do, which can be challenging, is to confront reality and question what you just went through for it not to happen again. Because if we don’t question our actions when we don’t like the outcome of a situation, it may be probable that it can be repeated in the future.
Z.
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