We allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in unwanted and unnecessary things (or thoughts) that we distract ourselves from truly being. It is as though we are afraid to live freely and stress-free. Why do we become absorbed in trying to fix and save others? Why do we put ourselves second and before we know it, we are caught up in too many entanglements with others, that we forget who we truly are? We allow ourselves to be there for others because we want to prove one way or another that they are not alone. After all, we don’t want to feel that. However, being in a position where we try to save or fix others, we somehow become the hero (maybe protagonist) in their story - or try to - and forget to be the one on our own. And while we are trying to play that role in someone else’s story, we somehow take away the chance for them to be their saviour. It is like the saying we cannot change others unless they choose to change themselves. I understand that we want to prove our love or understanding to someone else by trying to constantly provide solutions or change a situation so that everyone is at peace. But, I do think that the moment that we step back from trying to fix or change things around us, we are finally able to see ourselves and that can be scary. It can be scary to see ourselves for who we truly are because we were probably distracted by everything around us and were blinded in seeing who we really are. However, the moment we step back and choose to focus on ourselves, it is not to be selfish, but selfless in the sense that we begin taking accountability for our actions without having someone else dictate how we act or take it upon ourselves to be misguided to doing things the way it works for others but not ourselves. Taking a step back for seeing yourself and truly understanding who you are, will not only allow you to be there for yourself in the best way possible and take accountability for the decisions you make, but it will also allow you to see others as their person.
I recently faced this eye-opening realization when I became absorbed with worry and concern about someone else. It showed me that I was vulnerable, but I was also absorbed in the idea that I had to do things for the sake of showing that I was there for others. But this perception of feeling like I had to do something to prove something else only meant that I was forcing myself to act in a way that may not have been truly genuine. Regardless of it being with the best intention, the feeling of having to do something rather than truly wanting to is the main difference to being true to yourself. I began to realize that I wanted to step back from this version of myself that was doing things to prove myself and start doing things to just be me. I wanted to just be, and removing this heaviness from my shoulders, allowed me to also see that there is a beauty in allowing yourself to be you, and for others to just be themselves.
So, I ask you, what role are you playing right now? Are you the hero in someone else’s story or the one in your own? Are you in control and accountable for your actions, or are you trying to be there to save and fix someone else? There is no right or wrong answer, but it is never too late to start understanding yourself or to just enjoy your being through genuine actions and things that feel right to you.
Z.
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