There’s a topic that I came to think about which is not talked about often because it is quite sensitive: addiction. Addiction is not simple. It isn’t just a habit you want to break, and it isn’t always tangible. I may be wrong in this, but I mostly talk from personal experience. I do think that the act of being addicted mostly comes from craving something to the point where we feel we need it to survive, to feel better, or to keep on going. When I refer to a craving, I don’t mean something that we think we want; but something that we think we need that will fulfill us in that moment. But where we are mistaken is when we assume that by consuming or giving into this craving, we will be satisfied and that we won’t seek it anymore. Regardless of the feeling of satisfaction, we still feel empty yet filled up a little bit; so, we keep on going until we think we will finally feel filled up from that void we had.
Don’t get me wrong, this is a complex subject, as addiction touches many points and aspects of our life. And it is hard to narrow it down to just describe it in one as it can be seen in many. For instance, in my life, I would be addicted to constantly eating to feel better, to soothe emotions, or as a reward. I found any reason to consume food because I thought it made me feel better. However, I got to the point where I would finish my food immediately after sitting down, realized I didn’t enjoy a bite and was looking for more so I can repeat the process. It became a cycle and not a healthy one. The cycle became a craving or something I felt I had to keep on doing to feel good, yet I still felt empty. But when I finally began to admit to myself that I had a constant craving or addiction to eating (not nourishing or being hungry, just eating) I started to become more aware of my intake of food and become a bit more mindful.
The moment we admit that we are addicted to something, we accept that we are going through something that we have to work on, no matter how hard it is but knowing that it is time and that we are willing to put in the effort. We can’t compare ourselves with others, and we can't say that what we go through or what we feel is the same as someone else, so it is hard to find or receive the guidance we think we need or to know how to even start our journey. But I have realized, that when it comes to something we are addicted to, even if it is self-sabotage in any way, or even something we do because we think you need it to live if we can accept it and truly question why we have or do it in the first place, then we can start from there. It isn’t as easy as it sounds, trust me… But, if you are willing to put in the effort and get rid of that craving by finding things that fill you up and that you enjoy, then maybe you find the need to consume or do something that makes you feel guilty after.
Finding what makes us feel good, and getting into that journey of self-discovery is one of the best things to decide to do. It is taking that step to put all external things aside that we think bring things into our lives and start finding those things within ourselves. It is trying to reach a point where that craving and addiction goes back to a point where it is a simple want and you can enjoy it now and then and don’t crave it as much. Getting to that point is a bit difficult and it takes discipline, time and effort, but it is possible. It is never too late to start… And if you start believing in yourself, and decide to take that step, trust me when I tell you that you will feel more confident in yourself because you are doing this out of self-love and for the good of your being.
Z.
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