So, I’ve realized that there are two things that are out of our control but still trigger us or make us feel overwhelmed in different ways. The first one is to accept that things do change and we simply adapt to that change or we decide to keep on being in the same position where we are and not move forward. And the second one is when things don’t change at all and what needs to change is who we are so we can grow. I feel like the first one will make us feel nostalgic and not want to grow because we fear that things around us will also change. When we start to feel overwhelmed with change, we get anxious because it is out of our comfort zone and we don’t want to go through whatever hardship we went through previously. But the second one is when we realize that it is time for us to grow up and that we will feel stagnant if we stay in the same positions as we always do.
Both of these types of change will make us feel worried about what the future holds because it is what we want to hold on to. I realized that when I first left the country I was raised in and started over, I had the fear of change and adapting to a whole different scenario. However, when I came back and saw some of my friends, I realized they had not changed as much because they were in the same place as they were a year or two ago.
Another thing that I also realized was how I was holding on to something of my past because accepting would have been harder than just keeping on being in the same position I was in (wherever I went). Now, to be more specific, so that you know what I am talking about, I had a very toxic relationship with someone with whom there was always the same conflict, and I had not dealt with it entirely. Being away from that person, I thought I was finally dealing with whatever it was and I had finally let it go; but in reality, I just put it in the back of my mind and would still be affected by triggers. I did, however, decide to start working on it and realized certain patterns as well as how I was reacting. Coming back to see this person, I felt a sense of relief when I realized that they had not changed at all and I somehow immediately removed the expectation that they would. It was a weight off my shoulders and it allowed me to finally feel free from these anxious bottled feelings I had that was hoping for them to change.
Realizing that some things won’t change unless you do, regardless of it staying the same, is something that allows you to grow and move forward. And as I have said in other articles: the best thing we can do sometimes is to simply remove the expectations. However, I do know that it is hard and that it won’t happen from one day to the next. But I do know that if we do decide to start working on ourselves by getting to know who we are, we can begin to realize our triggers, our patterns and even who we want to become. So, I invite you to take some time to get to know yourself better, embrace whatever change you go through, and remove expectations.
Z.
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